Friday, January 19, 2007

Fantasy you say?

.
.
Senseless fingers,
Clawed up and out,
Of damp soil,
Split skin and sinew,
Momentarily groping open air,
Before heaving the rest,
Of the corpse,
From its long resting place.
.
Reaching, back down into its grave,
The unliving figure drew forth an ancient sword,
Grasping it firmly,
It stood upright,
And shook dirt from its head and body.
.
Mocking true vision,
Its head swung to and fro,
Examining its surrounds.
.
.
Lord Crowshaw prepared himself for another fray,
Six violated graves needed vengeance,
The plunderers must receive justice,
.
Planning his attack came easy to one of the old warriors,
When alive nothing could stand before his might,
And dead he had certain advantages.
.
The priest would have to be first to die,
Or at least badly wounded to prevent his magics,
Then the mage for similar reasons,
Then the two warriors, and finally the thief.
Yes, five to one, poor odds for the five…
.
Practising a few kata,
He awaited the coming night,
And the thieves arrival...
.
.

21 comments:

Inconsequential said...

It's pretty crap, needs more desciption and lots of tidying up...but it'll do for a rough.

Hundred and one said...

For a 5 minute job you did well!

Cocaine Jesus said...

rough for a cool
or
cool for a rough

Niall Young said...

Hi..I'm here via 'Novel's' blog..You write with real vision!

Have you managed to check out the Magritte stuff yet?..My current post has a link to some of his work!

Rethabile said...

That was good to read. Nice take on the prompt.

Winters said...

Very nice, Inc. "Practising a few kata." Very nice...

thethinker said...

You call that crap?

I like it. Morbid, but eloquent.

JourneyThroughLIfe said...

Captivating story!
JTL
xxx

paris parfait said...

Interesting take on the prompt - gruesome, but clever.

Liza's Eyeview said...

I second paris parfait's comment, gruesome but clever take on "fantasy". Great for a 5 minute job. You're a gifted writer.

briliantdonkey said...

"five against one,,,,poor odds for the five" Loved that line. Nice job especially if it was done that quickly.

BD

Janie Hickok Siess, Esq. said...

I agree with the comment above . . . it is very clever, but gruesome.

Inconsequential said...

:) thanks all

you are all too kind.

tania said...

far more interesting than those poems/songs in Lord of the Rings that everybody skips over :)

seriously, you did that in 5 minutes? it's fabulous.

Alexandra G said...

Wow, you wrote that? Impressed! I have tried a finger, not even a whole hand!, at poetry but I sincerely am AWFUL at it. But every once in a long while I write one anyway in my journal because there is something very soothing and beautiful about writing poetry. Congrats on yours- its not "crap" as you wrote up there! (p.s. I responded on my comments to your earlier comment if you wish to head back!) ENjoy your Sunday!!

Mike Mc said...

Something like this would never have occured to me as 'fantasy'. Thanks for the eye-opener.

twilightspider said...

What vision you have! The details of the dead clawing out of the grave are so vivid. Nice job!

Bridget M said...

Chillingly evocative! Keep working on it - it will shine brilliantly!

KG said...

Lots of action and strong images. It seems you have a sense of where you want to go with this.

I think any rough is good — the improvements comes in editing and rewriting.

gautami tripathy said...

I love the rough. I like the strong visuals created.

Crafty Green Poet said...

That reads like a good piece of dark fantasy to me.