Sitting Comfortably?

Are you sitting comfortably?
Then I may as well begin.
As you know, it began long ago,
A once upon a time…

First was lil’ Lilly,
An easy catch,
A drive by her garden,
Park, dash, snatch,
Back to my lair,
Tied to a chair,
I prepared a note,
For a ten grand swap,
Shaved and sent all her hair,
An easy success,
Sorted fair and square.

Oh, the life I tasted,
As the money was wasted.

Next was Karen,
Collette, then Clair,
All in similar vein,
My business successful,
For this I had flair.

Then came William,
He really was a pain,
Wriggling, kicking, screaming,
So I sent, an ear,
Three toes and his tongue
Back to his mother dear,
It was then, then it became a mess,
As he bled to death,
And became somewhat worthless,

I kinda panicked,
Threw a funk,
Moved to new pastures,
Body left in an old trunk.

Odd jobs there,
Odd jobs here,
Disappeared from society,
For about a year…

Then I hear, to my surprise,
Questions being asked, about my past,
It was time again to go,
I took a car,
I didn’t know,
As police latched on,
I had a baby in tow,
As it wailed and hollered,
I defenestrated the so and so.

The rest you know, from police report,
Of chase, flight, fight, caught.
Now I’m all said and done,
My life’s tale,
Of tried and fail.

I sit upon this chair,
All wood and wire, straps and cap,
Are you sitting comfortably?
Then you’d better begin.