Quitter!

Ineffable craving all from my mind

Physical addiction long faded

But triggers remain

When I wake

After a meal

After sex

Walking to work

Are now moments of loss

Of twitches and urgent desire

Minute by minute testing of will

Carry On

Black ol’ crow

On dusty verge

Watching traffic pass

Lurking in anticipation

Of road-kill lunch

Sky

Sky torn down
In fit of pique
Spasm

I
Am
Only man
Destroyer
Cannot put it back
But will bodge together
An approximation

The week that wasn’t

Watching flesh

Watching needle puncture flesh

Feel needle, watch flesh, feel flesh

See blood, my blood

My flesh needle blood

.

I dreamed a dream of déjà vu

Only to wake and find it true

.

It’s the shiny white one

Which tablet?

.

Laying on crisp white sheets

Dressed in combats black

A tube from lung

Preventing any action

.

It’s the shiny white one

Which tablet?

.

Patients with patience

Those who have been, seen, done

The whole routine

No point rushing

Or hurrying staff

.

They swarm

Those white clad ones

Some with red bits

Some with blue

But they still swarm

.

It’s the shiny white one

Which tablet?

.

Death suspends tea service

It’s a matter of priority

Apparently…

So no biscuit either

For a while

.

And why is the fat fuck here?

With their extensive knowledge of food

Of additives – fat – sugar – salt levels

So why are they here?

Scooting round like a shelled dalek

Mumbling fatitudes

To all who don’t want to listen

Squeezed tires protesting

At every turn of the wheel

Such knowledge smothered in ignorance

Must be their glands

.

Which tablet?

.

It’s the shiny white one

Which tablet?

.

Of all the places

For the dark to rise again

Seething hatred for man kindred

Laying amongst whining suffering

My soulless heart lashes in silence

A phrase reverberates

They shoot horses…

.

Centre of their own universes

Each one, be all and end all

Vying for limited resources

Loudest gets most

From the swarm

.

A stereotype! No! Really?

Yes, a stereotype – the gay/camp

Male nurse

.

Ok ok

It’s the shiny white one

Thank you

.

Let me out

Please…

Borderland

I love religion

And war

And bigotry

And greed envy hate

All evils of men

I love them all

Embrace them

As lovers will

For my love of these

Sets my boundaries

Allows me to

Push against them

To grow

Expand

My

Self

And

Eventually

Let them die

As old flames sink to embers

And a final

Waft of smoke

Freedom

To grow

In spirit

Without lies

Hate

Greed

Etc

Too big for me

It moves
Like heart beating
Measuring marking
Gaia’s steady pulse

Swells and troughs
Wind horses dance

Wave after wave
Of crashing foam
Frothing forth across
Salt slick rocks

Dignity

Ignore the man

Behind the curtain

A wizard he is not

Lord Vader he is not

Just an old old man

On a commode

Another Feather

Another feather
Flutters and falls
From fingers
Fickle and cruel
That pull or pluck
Twist and tug
Till wings
Are stripped and bare
But that’s what lovers do
Bind and clip
With innocent joy

One Weak Lung

A wasted week
Flat on back
Propped on pillows
Wheeled in chair

No words written
Too much noise
Machines ping pinging
People cough coughing

Poked and prodded
At random times
But told nothing
A week wasted

Free of Derision

Sip 27 swallow
Sip 28 swallow
Sip 29 swallow
School – red brick – tan and white corridors
Face pushed down on gritty tarmac
As lunchbox is raided and pockets emptied
Repetitive lessons from bored teachers
Sip 42 swallow
Sip 43 swallow
Sip 44 swallow
College – glass and chrome – blue corridors
Full of groups, but never involved
Quietly shunned absentmindedly ignored
Repetitive lessons from bored tutors
Sip 61 swallow
Sip 62 swallow
Sip 63 swallow
Work – grey breezeblock – grey corridors
Bitching and backstabbing of office politics
Head down and grafting, but put upon
Used repetitively for boring tasks
Sip 88 swallow
Sip 89 swallow
Sip 90 swallow
Family – two up two down – pastel colours
Henpecked by unfaithful wife
Bullied by ungrateful offspring
Repetitive routines, no joy, no life
Sip 140 swallow
Sip 141 swallow
Sip 142 swallow
Eyes drooping – vision a darkening corridor
Sinking back onto soft white pillow
No hassles – freedom from decision
Peace at last.